Crash.

It all happened so fast.
But I can remember everything that went on in those few seconds before. The few moments after. Something that doesn't happen everyday to everyone. Just a select few.
Today was my day.

Going northbound towards the city I had no thoughts in my mind whatsoever other than the prospect of a new dress for the weekend and the conversation currently being held with the passenger. That girl. My sissy.
I can faintly remember that face I saw out of the corner of my eye. My hands gripped the wheel and I prayed, pedal to the floor, hoping those breaks would come through. I had no time to think. She yelled. I'm almost positive I said something obscene before it happened. The car lurched. Lights passed. The color left my face. And we collided.

The feeling of hitting something so solid. There was a shockwave of tension from the seat belt throughout my whole body. Head jerked foreword, and hands never left the wheel. My heart rate climbed to the sky. After shock settled in, I began to panic. First thought: I'm still alive. Second: Is she okay? I turned to see a just as shocked as I was girl in the passenger seat, knees to her chest, arms out wide. Teresa was perfectly okay. Just in shock. So was I. Thank God.
Third thought: I can't believe we just got in an accident.
Then. I thought license and registration.
After hasty words and extremely shaky hands, I sifted through my wallet and glove box. I got out to assess the damage. The red and blue appeared. One big Suburban with flashing lights my father would later go on to describe as "a rave lookin thing". Her mother arrived. My parents did too. They guy I hit was unprepared and, because it was his fault, was probably pretty mad.
Teresa and I leaned against the car and joked with my parents, trying to throw off these feelings of shock and sickness.
We didn't tow my car. My dad drove it home. It's in bad shape. But nothing we can't fix.
No new dress for me. And I didn't care.
As the truck pulled into the garage, I could only try and breathe. I got out of the car, and Teresa fell into my arms. "I'm so sorry," was all I could say. She said it wasn't my fault. And truthfully, it really wasn't. He was in the wrong. He's the one who got the ticket.
But what if those airbags had gone off? What if we hadn't of been okay?
I couldn't live with that.
So thank God for the fact that we're alright.

I'm so uneasy tonight because of so many things. Not just because of my first accident.
If I fall asleep it will be by amazing grace. There is no consoling me tonight. I'm too tired and crazed to be thinking. But after coffee with sissy in the morning, I'll walk into school tomorrow with my same face. I will not be weak. I will take every moment and take breaths every second I get. I'll apologize to those who need it. I'll pack and plan. And tomorrow evening I'll set out on the road with the girls. And I'll sit in the backseat of that pickup truck. I'll relax.
And the world will keep turning.

thank you so much. just. thank you.