The Perfection of Certian Things.

NyQuil really does some funny things to you. I'm restless and thoughtful. It really puts me in this medicinal high of numbness and warmth. It burns all the way down, and sizzles in the pit of your stomach. I've never gone to sleep so fast. It helps some nights.

Lately, things have been getting a little harder. Every day brings on it's new challenges, and I swear I've never dealt with so many things at once. It prevents me from sleeping a lot of nights. It makes me want to renew that addiction to that NyQuil and drink it every night until I sink into my bed and stay oblivious to the world around me. But that's not good for anything. That's weakness. It shows nothing.
I really believe that this trip to Round Rock this weekend is coming at such a perfect time. I think that getting away, even just for a night, and spending it with some of my favorite people, will really make thinking easier. Being able to just look out of a window that isn't mine, watching the world from a different place. I've always loved that.
However, home can never be beat.
I feel like something is really different. Like these autumn winds of change are bringing more than their crisp colors and cooler weather. Something isn't the same. And I really don't know how to feel about it. It's almost strange to me that there is this empty feeling. I have no idea what to think. It's a little frightening.
I don't know if I'm ready quite yet.
The mind and heart are so confused and tangled in a big mess of feeling, I have no idea what to do for either of them. It's really frustrating.

And I'm thoroughly convinced that God has brought us together for a certain purpose. That of which I am not sure of right now. But all of these similarities... and all of the circumstances..they all just fit so perfectly. Wouldn't you agree?

In other news: the District V LDE competition was tonight. My PR girls and I placed second overall, and will be competing in the Area LDE competition on the 21st. Ladies, you have no idea how proud I am to be a part of our group. We did great tonight!
To wear the blue and gold. That corduroy jacket with my name etched on the front. I thought it wouldn't feel this way, but I'm actually proud to wear official dress. To be a part of something that no one would expect you to be. The awkwardness of black tights and high heels. The random comments from the crowd about the way you look. It's nice. And I'm proud.

I'm just about to fall asleep to Rascal Flatts. The songs that make me want to cry the most are the songs that put me to sleep the best. I don't know why. I guess when I look up at the stars, I see memories. And I see the secrets I've kept up there forever. And I do nothing but smile. Remember who I've become. And can't wait to see what will happen in the future.