The Possible Frost.

I want to run away for a little while. My legs need to run, my eyes need to wander, my breaths need to be taken deeply. I'm thinking I need to go camping. Lay out in nature and feel the air rush over me. Climb the trees and listen to the rustle of the breeze. Stare up at the stars; the kind that look like tiny holes punched in the sky, illuminated fiber optic strings that dangle from the atmosphere above.

I need to be at peace.

Not to say that I'm in a mess right now. Really? I'm a mess all of the time. But there's a storm of everything going on inside right now. It's hard to live when you have these clusters of ideas that just will not leave. Some are issues, others problems, ideas, and emotions. I think being outside would help me clear everything out. Mentally clean myself up.

I will admit it. There was a night. Last week. The night of the crash. I collapsed on the floor. I crumpled into this pure mass of flesh and bone, withering under the weight of all I had been keeping in my mind. In my heart. And I was very afraid. And in the pitch darkness, illuminated by the single beam of light by my iHome, the tears began to fall. I choked into the phone words that didn't want to leave my mouth. I felt so cold on my bedroom floor. And for the first time I cried to someone over the phone. And it meant everything to me just to be able to do that.

Because I don't cry in front of my friends.
Not even on the phone.

But this whole thing isn't negative, or alluding to the fact that I'm depressed or anything. Oh no! I'm actually quite content for the time being. There have definitely been some things happening lately, some bad, others horrible, that have caused me to add to my nightly prayers. But other than that, life has being going very well. Things and people are improving. Certain situations are getting better. Others are staying the same. I'm ecstatic about some things. I'm loathsome about others. My junior year is getting back up, dusting itself off, and beginning again at a slight crawl. I'm getting helped along, and in turn I'm helping others. We're all in this long chain of arms around shoulders, supporting each other towards this unseen goal.
And we're very happy to do it.

I expect to feel that chill again. To have that seismic quake in my bones, feel that chatter in my teeth. Gleaming eyes into the gray abyss. I want to feel nature's smoke billow from my breath.

It's time...
For turkey :]