This Is Halloween.

Still lost.
After all of this time. I find myself caught in that same room I did in January. Only this time, it's with another friend of mine. I sit across from her and listen to her stories. I hear her voice crack. I see the strain in her motions.
I know that this hurts.
And witnessing that hurts me too. A lot.
Because, unlike before, we're actually in person. Face to face. Just. Talking.
It took all I had not press my face against the window and breathe hot air onto the window. Not because I have short attention, but because I needed a way to think. Breathing just seems like a good method of choice.
So bad. So bad, I wanted to help her. And I don't know if I did or not. She says I did, and I believe her, but I don't know how much it did help. And I just hope that she's doing alright.
One week. That's all. One week. And it's been a crazy week full of texts and conversations and spending whole Saturdays together. It's been just that.
And by fate we were brought together at probably the best time. We're very similar people. But we're also different. It clicks though.
It's very dark. Halloween night dark. Hands on her face, she rubs her forehead and thinks. I want to tell her it's going to be okay. And I do. And I very much so want everything to work out. And truth be told, I really believe it will be. I think that things will work out.
I really believe in her.
Because this kid's a fighter. She pushes the limits. She's confident much more beyond her wildest thoughts. She's so much more than she realizes. So much more.
I just want one little candle in this obscurity. One little flickering wick that will help show the way.
One day, there will be.
That day will be soon.

"Life is never easy. Life is never perfect. It's not what life is to us. It's not worth blaming. It's all about how we handle it. The challenges we're faced with. And how we destroy those barriers that lead to something more than ourselves."
- January Post, 2009

I'm talking directly to you now. And believe me when I say that I believe. I really do. And I think you know I do. Take this slow and don't worry. You can do this. I know you can. Don't ever give up on this. I'll be there when you need me, be away when you don't.

This halloween was definately one for the books; probably the best halloween of my life.
Not going to lie.
It's late. I'm going to shut my journal and look out the window.
Wonder whether or not my car has been vandalized again...
and watch the full moon shine with all of it's brightness outside.
Halloween. One day of the year where you don't have to be who you always are.
But then again. That's every day.