Chasing Pirates.

It's been a long, restless Saturday. But the warm glow of this artificial Christmas candle in my bedroom window provides some sort of comfort as I try to relax. I waltz and meander around my small square of room before settling down. Grabbing my pills like a pair of dice and shake them in my palms as if I'm hoping for some sort of win. Blinking into the flickering fluorescent bulbs over my bathroom mirror.
It's been one of those days again. Not bad or good. Just sort of there. I drove around a lot. I set up the Christmas tree. Finally bought my AP book. The hours just sort of passed by. I remember laying there in the downstairs chair, listening to my parents talk in the kitchen, and just letting myself fall asleep. Allowing myself to fall into this deep napping state of cold and peace. Waking up and eating marshmallows because my teeth hurt.
My other three wisdom teeth are about to come in.
What's strange is that I keep glancing over my shoulder at this fake candle. It's in a perfect freeze-frame state where the flame is fat and the plastic wax is dripping evenly. It emits this soft yellow-orange glow that lights up my bed in bright morning colors. It reminds me of winter. It makes me tired.
It's another one of those days. A multi-emotional day of how I can't really describe how I feel. Days like this that make me feel bad because I want to be able to write but I think I have some blockage. I need to be inspired. I need to go outside, take a stroll in the grass, littered with fallen leaves and evidence of winter's calling. I need to just be in the sun, in the trees, above the ground.
I think winter has just made me tired. I feel like I'm not going anywhere with anything. It's a strange feeling. I don't trust it.