Downfall Of Us All.

I lied. This ship is going down heavier than before. Not at the house though.
All systems seem to be go here.

No, inside I'm torn apart. Someone has come around inside me with a huge knife and sliced up everything. I'm bleeding from the inside out now. I'm grasping my stomach. I'm feeling the hot pooling in my palm. The searing pain.
And I've caused all of it. I'm the one doing the destruction.
I'm so damn tired of it all.
I regret nothing. The learning part of life is definitely something not to be sorry for.
But the feeling sorry and apologetic. It's starting to wash over me. And I'm feeling sick.
Because I'm still not clear on the logistics of the situation.

And this is not a self pity post. This is a way of letting out emotion.
So shut it.

I want to crawl into bed. Curl up and hold my blanket tight. Shut my eyes hard and fall limp into that nightly coma.

The dreams are gone again.
Again.

* And yes. I do sleep with a blanket. I'm not in the mood for ridicule.
                      But then again. I forget that no one really reads this.